Society. Our society is so wild. They have put this expectation on mothers that after we deliver a whole human we grew from nothing, that we are able to bounce right back, look amazing, and juggle all things motherhood within a few short weeks of giving birth. And as much as society is to blame, being stubborn as women, we are to blame too.
I want to talk about the things that need to happen postpartum and why it is so incredibly important to do whatever you can to heal and rest WELL during this period.
First of all, you are healing a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus. You need REST to heal that well. You are also VERY depleted from sharing all your nutrients with a baby for 9 months AND now you are sharing even MORE nutrients with that baby via nursing. Being friends with many midwives and doulas, I can tell you that postpartum you will need 4k cals a day of food to heal and recover and renourish your body. This information is from a doula who got specific training in postpartum nutrition. The lack of these 4k cals is why women’s hair falls out, why postpartum depression and even psychosis exists as well as postpartum anxiety. It’s why women feel completely exhausted. We have somehow managed to normalize waking up, drinking coffee first thing, eating nothing until noon and then barely surviving the day and wondering why we feel the way we do.
Whether you hire someone to help postpartum, or your husband and you have a plan that involves food prep, etc – PRIORITIZE getting nutrients in. It has even been said that mom doesn’t even need to be drinking plain water, because ideally, she is drinking raw milk and bone broth – liquid calories – during the day, rather than water.
Your ONLY job postpartum is to rest and snuggle your newborn for AT LEAST one week. (per midwives’ recommendation). When mommas are out of bed too soon and moving around too much, they run the risk of hemorrhaging from that dinner sized wound I mentioned earlier. The general rule of thumb in a home-birth setting is 5-5-5. Five days IN the bed, five days ON the bed, and five days NEAR the bed. To rest, to eat well, to learn about your baby. Have help mama, ASK for HELP. Find someone in your family or friends to come help. If possible, have a mother or mother in law come stay for a few weeks, and if that doesn’t work, find friends to rotate through. Teach your husband about postpartum and set up plans for postpartum healing. Have a cleaning person, etc. Whatever helps you feel calm and rested. Because, you do not need to be stressed postpartum either – as your nervous system regulates the baby’s.
These first few weeks with your baby go by SO incredibly fast. SOAK THEM IN. Don’t try to do it all and miss this time. The laundry will aways be there waiting for you, but a 1 week old won’t be, because he will turn 2 weeks shortly. So stare at your baby, be calm entering motherhood and set the stage for those first few years of mothering that baby. Start off in peace and love and being loved on.
We weren’t meant to do this alone, ever. We weren’t meant to be SO damn independent that it comes at a cost to our central nervous system. We were meant to be cared for and loved on during our pregnancy and postpartum periods.
I should also mention how much how we handle this time period can affect the future. If we aren’t nourished well postpartum, this will greatly affect us when we get to be in our 40s. What happens is, women enter perimenopause very early and have a much harder menopause transition.
How we feel, in our nervous system, those first few weeks makes a HUGE difference in baby. If our fascia is tight because we are stressed, baby’s fascia is also tight. Which then affects baby’s ability to latch and nurse. I highly recommend having a provider come to the home if possible to give you and baby some CFT (cranial sacral fascial therapy) (which is not the same as CST). It is called the Gillespie method and it loosens fascia for baby and mom (because baby mimics mom) and can dramatically help the body be calm and relaxed. I hope midwives get trained in it so they can provide this service to their mamas.
You can enter motherhood in peace and love and become the mother you want to be. But it actually comes from doing LESS those first weeks and not from doing MORE. Put down the stubbornness and surrender to motherhood, the most amazing ride you will get to go on. You are amazing for prioritizing your health which then prioritizes your children’s health.
Warmly,
Jennie
