You have dreamed of someday, having a baby, of seeing that line show up on the test, of who you might be married to when it happens. and finally, that dream has come true.

Being pregnant is so humbling. From morning sickness to growing larger and larger – it is just so hard and so humbling. It comes with an array of emotions as you process your body changing and also, that you’ll have an incredible little life to be in charge of soon. It’s a lot of change! You will get so many different view points that you will be annoyed by week 20. But what aren’t people telling you that you might even want to hear?

1. Your emotions will be wild after birth.

After having your baby, you’ll have this high of emotions. The surge of these hormones will help you to fall in love with your baby and to have the energy to be what baby needs. But those emotions will come down at some point and when they do, you’ll feel sad. You might suddenly cry when your baby has their first big blow out or outgrows a newborn outfit – all of these emotions are normal. They are part hormonal and part because you are processing everything that has happened. My recommendation is to find a way to let the emotions flow. Journaling or just sitting in them, helps them to be processed in a healthier way so that you can feel more stable.

2. Birth isn’t as awful as we may have heard.

Labor isn’t as painful and terrible as you might have heard. It can be hard for some, definitely. But if you can take a good quality course like Bradley Method and learn how to labor well, it can help a lot. Pain can be lessened by taking lots of magnesium during pregnancy and having loose fascia. The key is to be relaxed in your body and to surrender your mind and body to the process. And of course, I highly recommend hiring a doula. A doula can make the pain significantly less! And if your plan is to have an epidural, well I would have a plan B because I had to have 3 epidurals and none of them worked and I had no way to manage the pain. I was also induced and so that was absolutely awful. My 2nd pregnancy I had no epidural and knew how to handle labor and had a doula and it was a MUCH better experience.

3. You will still looks pregnant… even after your baby has been born.

It takes a while for everything to shrink down. You just grew a whole human and your body will take a few weeks or longer to reduce your uterus and tissues back to their new size. Pack something cozy in your hospital bag or have something ready for after your home birth and just know that’s part of the process.

4. Nursing struggles are normal.

I don’t actually think this next one is a surprise these day, but nursing doesn’t always come naturally. It can feel awkward as you step into this new life of becoming a mother and if so, just know it’s okay. I think having grace on yourself is going to go so far in these first weeks as a new mother. Between oral ties and weird nipples, nursing struggles are normal. I do think it is so worth the work of pushing forward because the reward of being able to nurse is so great – from feeling confident as a nurturer to the extreme benefits breast milk has for baby – and the anti breast cancer effects of nursing – I believe that women can achieve it if they are willing to ask for help – and maybe even if they need help more than once. Get CFT on baby and mom, which can help nursing significantly and hire the best lactation consultant if needed. Let other women come help you step into this role and remember, you weren’t meant to do this alone.

5. Things very likely may not go according to plan

I think it is extremely important to hold your birth plans loosely. If you are overly tied to the plans and stuck in a state of control of the outcome, it will hinder not only your ability to give birth but also the first few hours you spend with your baby, because you will be in a state of shock over how it all played out. Many of us know that hospital births are a much more challenging place to follow “birth plans” and that is why I personally, would never have a hospital birth without a doula to advocate for me while I can be in my own body and mind working hard on birth and labor. But regardless of where you choose to birth, sometimes things  like inductions and assistance are warranted. My own births were emergency C-sections (I now know I have an extremely curved tail bone, they can’t even find the end of it and think that played a huge role). Having had tried for a v-bac with the 2nd baby, I can honestly say in hindsight, I would prioritize my emotions after birth over the way the birth played out because I was so upset with myself for having failed my birth plan and wish I could have been more emotionally stable and in the moment those first weeks of my son’s life. So, to sum up, have plans … but have advocates between you and the medical staff, so that you can trust the plans if they change a little better and be in a good headspace for your postpartum period.

6. Pushing isn’t necessary

One thing I have learned in the many many births I have attended, is that pushing forcefully isn’t actually that normal and necessary. For one, if it is unwarranted, it can ruin your pelvic floor. For two, you have a fetal ejection reflex, which is defined as “a natural, involuntary process where the body expels the baby during the second stage of labor without the need of forced pushing” …. it’s pretty cool. Anyway, a good midwife will coach you to relax your pelvic floor vs pushing against tension, which will translate to a healthier pelvic floor and less chance of tearing. It’s more of a breathing down into your pelvic floor and less of a forced push. It’s a surrender rather than a workout.

I hope you enjoyed this blog about birth! If you want your own birth filmed, please reach out to me and let’s chat!